Old you, new year? Create lasting change (if that's really what you want) – with a worksheet from a somatic coach

I love the new year. I love its cyclical nature and the inherent optimism in our ability to wipe the slate clean. And yet, so many people hate New Year’s resolutions. Why? 

We’re not taught the art of transformation! Of course, we need to do more than declare we’re getting in shape over mince pies and turkey to the sounds of Wham! But… what? 

Three things! To create lasting change, we need to unblock our limiting beliefs, rewire our brains, and prepare our nervous systems. To help you, I’ve created a worksheet that you can use if you already feel like you’re struggling with your resolution.

Spoiler alert: Somatic prep work and consistent microchanges can create true, lasting transformation! It’s a beautiful, worthy process in and of itself. One you might even enjoy!

And just so you know, you can change at any point. If you know why and what you want to change. If you’re committed. And If you’ve done enough emotional, physical, and systematic preparation. Through the body, the soul is made manifest! 

Part 1: Preparation and self-discovery.

1. Spend time on your why.

To create lasting change, you’ll need to ask yourself what you really want and why you really want it. Let’s imagine that you want to change careers, and that you’re deeply yearning to try something new: explore your “why” first.

If you can easily articulate and bring to mind your reasons for wanting to change – you’re more likely to recall them in moments of temptation or tiredness. A second benefit is that you’ll also avoid avoidance by side stepping problems that are really just a distraction. By going deep straight away, you won’t waste your time on the wrong thing. 

By asking clients to explore their why first, you’re essentially doing the work to identify core goals and issues rather than “symptoms”. An example of that might be making a relationship goal “creating happiness with Self”, rather than: “finding a partner”. Many might at first blame their loneliness on the lack of a relationship, but few stop to consider if this dilemma isn’t the result of a lack of a relationship with themselves – the resulting approach then differs. Your “why” shows you what to focus on first and what you value. 

Getting crystal clear about our reasons for the goals we have, ultimately gives us extra support. And motivation is essential for change! By looking into “why” so deeply, you’ll know how to source motivation from within when the going gets tough.

Pro tip: Uncover your true motivations 

Set aside an afternoon or an hour (whatever your constraints) and list all of the reasons why you’d like to make the change you’re trying to make. Be TRUTHFUL as you do it!

Example: “I want to change my career because I feel unfilled. It’s making me tired, demotivated, and resentful. I feel like I’m letting myself down. I don’t care about accounting software. It’s not important to me. I want to be of service and help others. Sitting at a desk all day just isn’t for me. If I change my career I’ll be healthier, happier, and feel more like myself.”

‍

2. Prepare to fail. Anticipate challenges.

Know you’ll want to quit, be afraid, feel lazy, uncomfortable, tired, annoyed, or more. Integrate all of those parts of you. The year may be new, but you’re not. You’re you, with all of your imperfect human parts. And there is no harsh dividing line between the “old you” and the “new you”. There are just new steps and practices.

If you want to achieve a goal, mentally prepare yourself for the fact that all of you will be coming into the new year with you, whether you like it or not. And this “old” you will raise its head, or arm, or very scared voice, long enough to tell you that it’s tired, hesitant, fearful, not good at follow-through – or whatever it may be. A few times. Or many times. It’s an evolution, not a black-and-white, here-one-moment-gone-the-next kind of process. Set appropriate expectations of yourself.

Keeping this realization in mind will help you be kind to yourself when these moments arise. The harsher we are toward ourselves, the more prone we are to perfectionism, procrastination, and various forms of self-punishment. And we can’t create new, sustainable behavior from this unsustaining, damaging, demotivating space. Simply humbly pick yourself, and continue.

Fail prep – self-acceptance statements:

‍E.g. “I know it’s disappointing, but I’m not a machine. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. I’m learning a new habit. It takes at least a month.”
E.g. “Vera Wang didn’t start and succeed until her 40s. I have time.”

Fail prep – blindspot mapping and strategies:

Where are you likely to fail? Be realistic. Why? What can you do about it? Think about the solutions in advance when you have time and all of your cognitive power.

E.g. “Take my yoga mat everywhere to ensure I can get my day of exercise in.”

E.g. “I’m likely to mess up scheduling, so I might think about a different way to schedule client calls. Maybe an app? I’ll research for 15 minutes right now.”‍

Cost/benefit analysis:

If you’re working on a huge goal, such as sobriety, you can develop this even more and do what’s called a cost/benefit analysis. Journal out the costs and benefits of staying the same vs. achieving your goal. And yes, you can use this for any goal, like changing careers. ‍

Part 2: Visualization and nervous system alignment.‍

1. Get crystal clear on what you want – then prime your nervous system. 

If you’re familiar with neuroplasticity, you’ll probably know where this is heading. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to restructure or repair itself. It’s mindblowing, but by having different thoughts we can literally build new connections between synapses and neurons.

The brain doesn’t always know the difference between us experiencing our inner and outer worlds. So, to turn an idea like a goal into physical reality (first within our brains, and then out there, in the world), we have to imagine truly embodying it. So – to apply this to creating change such as “Finding a new, more fulfilling career”, we need to use all of our senses to see ourselves experiencing life as though we’ve already achieved whatever we set out to do. 

This primes our nervous system for what it’s going to receive. Because, from a nervous system level, we can’t hold more than what we’re ready for (or more specifically, what we’ve previously experienced). So, your nervous system needs to see you coping with the great success, challenges, or achievements that would come along with you achieving your goal and being okay.

To be able to hold our goal coming true on a nervous system level, we have to “do the work of our own becoming”, as Sarah Baldwin says. To quote her wisdom, just imagine all the skills the achievement of a big goal might require. Using our career example, you might be required to retrain and develop new skills, perhaps even taking a course or university degree, or you might have to learn to take up more space, to advocate for yourself, to take risks, such as quitting the current job or investing, and you may have to lead yourself despite others’ discouragement or disapproval. See what I’m getting at?

2. Imagine yourself as your successful, future self. 

We can’t create or receive opportunities we’re not ready for on a nervous system level. Aid the process by imagining what you want to experience before it’s reality. Very clearly, very specifically. This will help your body and mind feel as though you’re already experiencing it and help you feel worthy of it. It will also make it easier for you once you get to the “doing” stage because it will all feel familiar – and we do well with the familiar, it’s less scary, etc. Meaning, you’ll be ready for any challenges!‍

Sensory visualization and embodiment:

Grab a tea or water. Sit quietly, somewhere private. Imagine your journey toward your goal. What does your whole journey to success feel, smell, sound, and look like? Notice the challenges, the fears, the disappointments, the small victories, and ultimately, the fulfillment, in your body. What do your feet, heart, head, or hands have to say about it? Let your body respond with all its wisdom as you move through imagined trials and tribulations. Practice holding all of your success.

‍

Part 3: Reconnection and integration.‍

1. Address limiting beliefs. Talk to your unconscious.

As you’re now aware, it truly takes so much more than thinking to oneself, “I proclaim I have a resolution! I’ll stop/start [insert habit or goal]” a few days before New Year’s Eve. Having a resolution on its own won’t do it. We all want things. But changing human behavior is tough.

That’s because 95% of our behavior is controlled by our subconscious mind. That’s to say, that a lot of our brain’s “processing” is automated so as not to take up too much effort. But this also means that a lot of our beliefs about the world can get hidden from ourselves or simply taken at face value even if they’re outdated.

For instance, using our career change example, your rational mind may know that it isn’t suited to accounting software, but you might have limiting beliefs lurking in your subconscious mind, that unless addressed directly, they’re going to stay there. How to find them? Journal about: why you haven’t already achieved your goal. What’s stopping you? Are you feeling anxiety? Fear? Doubt? Is self-sabotage cropping up? Maybe there are some familiar physical symptoms like a stomach ache. All of that means one thing: you likely have self-protective limiting beliefs in place.

And finally, what’s familiar is safe – including behavior that you already know, thoughts you’re already thinking, and beliefs you already have. You’ll need to give yourself permission to rewrite your limiting beliefs and then do the new stuff, whether it’s thinking or behaving for anywhere from 5 to 66 days in a row. (Why the discrepancy? Your motivation plays a huge role in successful behavior change; but don’t worry, you learned that in Step 1.)‍

Body scan for resistance: 

Attempt to dream big for a second about what you could achieve, change, or create this year. Do you feel any resistance? Nervousness? Tightness? Follow the fear, anxiety, or dismissal, and it will show you where your limiting beliefs are.

Pro tip: The WHY exercise for limiting beliefs

Once you’ve found some areas of resistance, do this WHY exercise. Keep asking yourself why. When you come to a natural conclusion, you should feel relieved in your body. Notice that. Then, add a potential solution.

Example: “I feel nervous about changing my career path, and believe I won’t find anything fulfilling.”

Why?

Because I’ve not explored what else I could do.

Why?

I suppose I feel quite unorganized at the moment.

Why?

Because my current job is so busy.

Why?

Because I’m having to work overtime.

Why?

Because I’m not good at the core tasks of the job this means I often have to stay over time. 

Why?

Because I’m more into the humanities and people than numbers.

Why?

That’s just how I was born.

Resolution: 

Look for a more people-focused career without data work. 

2. Small steps. Tiny, powerful micro-changes over time. 

The good news is that you really don’t need to do anything grand, huge, massive, and intimidating all at once. The preparation work is often the hardest part. It’s not easy getting creative and thinking of new ways to live your life to meet your current family or other restraints. It’s not easy to rewire your brain. Or think new thoughts. Or hold space in yourself for expansion as you grow. 

But by the time you get to this part, you should have a very clear idea of the blindspots you’ll be facing and the strategies and resources at your disposal. You would have planned that all in Part 1 of this process. All you need to do now is take small, consistent, and manageable steps that aren’t too overwhelming and record your progress. Plan more and more helpful systems and strategies for how you’ll achieve your goal on a day-to-day basis, and be flexible! It’s YOUR journey. Do what works for you rather than staying locked in rigid guidelines. 

Review your why and repeat any unblocking of your limiting beliefs daily – you’ll set yourself up for success. And no, it won’t be the 100%-no-mistakes kind of success. It will be the kind where you’re truly changing, growing, and working with yourself to build self-trust and resilience along the way to your goal. ‍

To summarize 

Preparation for the hard road ahead means doing emotional and practical strategizing. 

Systems are incredibly helpful. But change is a healing and gradual process – you’re going through transition and up-leveling and the deeper you go at first, the more success you’re likely to have down the line. 

Is the outcome the point? No. It’s how you change, the muscles you build along the way, and what you learn in terms of self-mastery that counts. So – “failing” and “breaking” your New Year’s resolutions isn’t a thing. Your words matter. Please replace them with a growth-minded perspective. Frame them with “yet’s”, “right now’s”, and “today’s”. Every day is a chance to begin again! 

In conclusion, creating lasting change takes effort and preparation. You need to know what you want. Specifically. Clearly. Then, you need to delve into why you want it. This helps you know if you really want it and gives you the sustaining power to show that it’s worth more than the current status quo. And lastly, you need to have prepared your “how’s” – all the ways how you’ll achieve it.

There’s a whole art to creating change and it’s a process that needs your mindful attention if you want it to last. It’s one of healing and growth, with the journey being a worthwhile destination in and of itself. Enjoy the process and thank you for reading. <3